epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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