I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize