The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
