How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
