Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
