I need help removing her.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
