I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
