I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They have beer where we have blood.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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