I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
