that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
