I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
