Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
