I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
