I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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