The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize