everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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