Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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