He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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