wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
