I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
