Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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