i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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