the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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