the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
