you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize