I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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