Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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