you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
