He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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