I want to stick my p in your. b.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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