Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
