Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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