i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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