just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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