If i come over, it means nothing
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
