If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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