anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I queefed so loud it echoed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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