I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
