I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
