Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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