I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize