every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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