Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
