Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
