Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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