I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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