Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
