About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am midnight drunk by noon
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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