i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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