I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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