She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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