I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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