Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
