i just google imaged poop.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
