this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
