Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
