We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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