How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
