I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bang-toberfest begins!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize