Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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