Who did Billy Mays play for?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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