I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
