there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
