My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
