I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
