I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
