I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
