Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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