At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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